Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just forgot I was standing up.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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