don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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