i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
