I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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