absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
