Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We need to get me chipped asap
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