So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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