If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
