I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
