Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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