margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
