YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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