I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
