so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
