What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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