Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there's paper in my vomit.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
