um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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