Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
