wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
