wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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