kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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