we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
