Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
