I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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