i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
