look no pants
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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