No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
