elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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