Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
