Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
