I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
