Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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