I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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