i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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