fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
