do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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