I smell stomach acid.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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