But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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