even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish you could order shots online.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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