Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
