Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
