i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
