this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
