When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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