Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
