I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
