In the future we'll all be gay
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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