uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
whose parrot is this?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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