An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
