I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
