I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
